Here are the basic sentences:
It is night time.
A boy walks on a road.
He sees a figure.
He feels happy.
Here are my sentences:
It’s a full moon night where the weather is stormy and the lightning is striking down on the trees starting forest fires where the trees fall down on each other and snapping in half.
Jacoby lumberes over to a little shelter that is dimly lit by a boiling hot fireplace that hasn’t been put out.
Jacoby hears a twig snap and slowly turns his head around like a turtle walking and spots a mysterious figure wearing black clothes so no one can see him.
He glances at the figure and still isn’t sure who it is so he starts shining a light at the figure and sees who it is, he starts to grin then he smiles, IT’S HIS LONG LOST DAD!
Jacoby lumberes over to a little shelter that is dimly lit by a boiling hot fireplace that hasn’t been put out.
Jacoby hears a twig snap and slowly turns his head around like a turtle walking and spots a mysterious figure wearing black clothes so no one can see him.
He glances at the figure and still isn’t sure who it is so he starts shining a light at the figure and sees who it is, he starts to grin then he smiles, IT’S HIS LONG LOST DAD!
Kia ora Deakyn, thank you for sharing your writing. I can see that you are using adverbs, and some wonderful verbs such as 'lumbers'! It is tricky to read your blog post because it runs out of the main section and across into the side bars. If you click on the edit pencil and then push return at the point that the line becomes to long you can bring it back onto the right part of the page. Keep writing, your work is full of description.
ReplyDeleteHi Deakyn. I like the writing but goes off the page. But you need to fix it up after you ctrl c then you do ctrl shift v when you put it on your blog.
ReplyDeleteKind regards
from Tane
Thanks for the helpful comment Tane. I'll fix it.
Delete